微醺也是个很难企及的境界

所以说还是没有喝到位，不是那种‘刚刚好’的亢奋状态，也没有达到一直追求的倒头便睡。无聊的三个人，各揣心事－这心事想来也是无聊所致，闷闷地喝空了各自的酒瓶。
我想做些有意思的事情，这日子不该只是上班下班吃饭睡觉。可我也想不出比下班后继续坐在办公室里折腾数据更有意思的事情，我目前的生活状态就是如此单一。两年来好容易习惯了一个人出门，一个人吃饭，一个人做所有的事情，迎接我的却是至深的boredom。有时有点羡慕E组花姑娘们对很多事都一惊一乍的很high的状态，我无法做到她们那样。我现在连美剧都看不下去了，这一发现揭示了某种很可怕的东西。
夜微凉，在家门口的过街天桥上，像每晚固定的仪式一样，我会站定在桥中央，看一会儿路灯下的马路，看一会儿天空，寻找月亮－什么都不会想，只是成了习惯。麻木的内心需要养成一些习惯来keep everything functional and seemingly normal，比如我的健身，比如我的早闹铃，比如我的附和性点头，附和性笑抽。北京二环内的白天是各种喧嚣，而夜，则跟别处没什么不同。

回到家，床头的大半瓶Jack Daniels，有时候失眠会灌一口，从来没起到过什么作用－必须是灌得不够多，我不喜欢酒精的味道。但有次就着黑巧倒是吃出了感觉，烧胃。家里真安静。呵呵，‘家’。

很久没有更新iPod里的曲目了，因为提不起兴趣去开发新的playlist。分享一首在我playlist里存在了N年的what if。没什么特别的意思，只是刚才在桥上，耳机里正放着这一首。

COLDPLAY – WHAT IF

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don’t want me there by your side
That you don’t want me there in your life

What if I got it wrong
And no poem, or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don’t want me there by your side
That you don’t want me there in your life

Oooh, let’s try
Let’s take a breath, jump over the side
Oooh, that’s right
How can you know it if you don’t even try
Oooh, let’s try

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend and it could break
Well that’s the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don’t want me there in your life
That you don’t want me there by your side

Oooh, let’s try
Let’s take a breath, jump over the side
Oooh, let’s try
How can you know it when you don’t even try
Oooh, let’s try

Oooh, let’s try
Let’s take a breath, jump over the side
Oooh, let’s try
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooh, let’s try