昨天见到同事桌上一本格子Boltzmann的书，勾起回忆，用一个看来的小趣事怀念一下曾经折腾了我整四年的Boltzmann，并庆祝一下毕业以后再也没跟其打交道了：）

Boltzmann大约上课不喜欢往黑板上写东西，然后学生经常抱怨听不懂也记不住。然后学生complain啊，说老大，证明太难了，以后往黑板上写，别光讲，我们记不住。Boltzmann答应了。
第二堂，他又在课上开始滔滔不绝，从a变换到b, b到c...最后总结说，大家看这个东西如此简单，就跟1+1=2一样。
然后他突然想起对学生的承诺，于是拿起粉笔，在黑板上工工整整地写下了**1+1=2**.

一直以为自己喜欢大海，因为以前极少见到海，其实没有意识到自己最喜欢看天。就像我一直标榜自己喜欢猛男，实则总会多看小白脸一样。能记得的印象是还没上大学、还在家的时候，就总爱看晚霞—应该也会喜欢朝霞，但总起不来那么早— 并且一直记着课本上那句：朝霞不出门，晚霞行千里。上了大学以后，每天晚自习完回宿舍路上总爱夜观天相，然后回去给室友预测第二天天气。在那个网络不发达，手机不先进，又没有电视看的年代，我那十有八九准确的天气预报似乎有点重要。周末喜欢在名人园里呆着看天以及慢悠悠漂着的云，或是在星湖畔的长椅上晒太阳。为什么我记忆中的浦口总是充满阳光的春天？现在浦口被卖掉了，名人园里的那些树有没有都抠出来放到鼓楼或者新校区去？一区五楼那几间南边的教室，我刻过名字的长条桌们还在不在了？ 再后来，没对合肥的天空有印象，那年一切是各种迷乱，只记得后来回去，通向五教那条路上的围墙上开满的蔷薇花，在阳光下泛出粉粉的光，想必那会儿天空也会是不错的。在香港的日子很少看到天，摩天高楼堆挤在一起，而我们系的学生办公室都在underground。感觉只要乐意，可以连续很多天不出室外—不用出到室外就可以从学校钻进商场，然后从商场钻进地铁，然后地铁站出口总会设在商场里。。。然而在那个拥挤的城市，天空却是很蓝的。记得在海洋公园，站在空旷处看向远处，那蓝海那蓝天，so surreal 。现在出门都爱背着相机到处拍，回来整理照片会发现自己拍得最多的是天。最喜欢去的地方是山上是水边，喜欢极目远眺，越远越好。我想我是喜欢远方，而天空指向最遥远的方向。

Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel, and from here on out I’m not gonna feel anything new… Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.

毕业以后再没有从前不断探索新剧的精力了，开始喜欢把曾经喜爱的剧拿出来反复琢磨。当然那些剧因为曾经喜欢，都不会很差劲，可喜欢一个剧，有时候是为了重温当年看该剧时的心境，彼时的我，彼时的我周围的一切。

最近重拾Mad men，恰好今年就要剧终，趁最后一季播出前回顾下之前的六季。大约是给谁形容过该剧，我说我爱看这部剧因为它不浮躁，它慢慢的，轻轻的，诉说一群人动荡的人生。里面的角色每一个都很丰满，我可以从几乎每一个人身上找到自己的影子。有人说它是部时尚剧，带动时尚圈的复古潮流；有人说它是部职场剧，场景设定于60年代一家不大不小的广告公司，讲述里面的老板职员们的故事；有人会说它是爱情剧，里面各个人物各自的爱情故事，几乎涵盖了当今浮躁的人们的各种爱情观；我觉得这是部心理剧，在淋漓刻画剧中人物的同时，引我联想到自己，矛盾的我自己。

关于各种感触剖析，我留给我自己，我想我是那种永远都在试图自我定位而又苦不得定解的人。Who am I ? -- That is a problem. 这里只记录剧里一些引我notice的话，they all at some point affected me.

##Mad men

• Who knows why people do what they do.

• Success is related to standing out, not fitting in. It’s a fad.

• So phony, falling in love with that girl just to show how interesting you are.

• And no one will tell you this, but you can’t be a man, don’t even try. Be a woman. It’s a powerful business when done correctly.

- What’s wrong with you? I don’t know.
- What do they want you to do? I don’t know.
- Yes you do. Do it. Do whatever they say. Listen to me, get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.

- This is the one. 1962 Coupe de Ville. Does everything but make breakfast. What are you in now ?
- I had a Dodge.
- Those are wonderful if you want to get somewhere, this is for when you’ve already arrived.
- Is that right?
- Of course, someone like you, you don’t need to see yourself in a Cadillac, you’re walking about in one everyday. How’d you like your car to look like that ?

• There are few people who get to decide what will happen in our world, you have been invited to join them. Pull back the curtain and take your seat.

• If I don’t go into that office every day, who am I ?

• Our worst fears lie in anticipation. –Balzac.

• If you don’t like what is being said, change the conversation.

• I am hungry, but it’s not worth moving.

• I think about my business day and night, and I’m a harsh critic, especially of myself. And sometimes it collects and I feel bad. And then I realize: Maybe that’s the reason I’m so lonesome. –Hilton

• They are mourning for their childhood more than they’re anticipating their future.

/- I know that every account I have will eventually leave me.
/- That’s awfully pessimistic.

• There is no fresh start, lives carry on.

/- What do I do here? I mean, truly?
/- Something essential.
/- You could do it.
/- If they’ve tried to make you feel you’re different than them, you are. That’s a good way to be.

• It might have been living in the country that was making him cry. It was killing him with its silence and loneliness…making everything ordinary too beautiful to bear.

• It’s exquisitely decadent.

• I’ve had loss in my life. You have to let yourself feel it. You can’t dampen it with drugs and sex. It won’t get you through.

• The world out there… I have to hold on to them or I’ll get lost in the chaos.

• It’s going to take you a moment to realize where you are. You are free. Free of her, you’re free of them…You’re free of everything.

• It’s sunny here for everyone but me.

• I wish it was yesterday.

• Living in the not knowing. That’s the job.

• We could comfort each other through an uncertain world.

/- I was in Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania… I looked in the window of so many station wagons… What did I do wrong ?
/- You’re doing great.

• Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption.

This short stay is so compact that lots and lots of things happened that made my life much more complicated.
Lots of possibilities and uncertainties.
In a way I like uncertainties, this may not sound like what would come out of a mathematician but what’s life without any doubts?
So, happy be in doubt!

昨天安安静静度过了我的例假第二天。由于语言的缘故还是插嘴不上大家的聊天，真是需要练习了。。。并且我也该多关注时事并且形成自己的观点，不然无法与人交谈。在国内一直把自己当小孩，在这里人人都是无关学历无关年龄无关国籍的独立个体。
今天A回来了，顿时热闹起来，A是有能力照亮周围一切的。讨论了我的项目，A提了些新idea，回头我测好了应该就可以patent了，最近要努力干活了。不知道是不是我自作多情，K和C对我总是特别照顾。啊，A送我一本书The prize : the epic quest for oil, money & power. 要好好读。我是该吸取些有营养的东西了。晚饭跟AC一起，话题比较大胆，虽然我依旧插不上嘴。。。不过最后我还是完成了一句挪威语结束语:Takk for maten og vi ses i morgen. I am so proud of myself…:)

转眼就一周了，我的N。。。
今天从早就情绪低落不想说话，到了快下班才知道为什么，来例假了。这一天搞并行算是半有成效，可以更好的，我还是墨迹。C大约是认真研读了我的report，每隔一会儿就叫我过去给我讲东西或是让我解释，很是热心认真。无奈我心情低落，就是附和，没有积极说话，午饭时独自咀嚼不语。C跟周围人聊天，最后给我复述别人挪威语的谈话内容，可惜不关心政治的我had no comments。熬到下班，因为答应了搭G的顺风车和一起晚饭，所以早早离开了办公室。晚饭一般，吃完逛mall什么都没买。给妈打电话，略讲了N的事情，老一辈无法理解，继续郁郁。晚上回来跟Q说了说，给我分析了分析，结果我依然郁郁。我这是要死的节奏么。。。

这两天就是溜达加八卦。周六G老板要求跟我和M一起出去溜达，我就算local guide了。那天天气真心不适合逛街。带着去了教堂去了NTNU，热心走路看景的只有我，因为M不知何时起开始跟G抱怨发展机会什么的。我这缺货不知怎么也跟着附和。绕城一周终于如愿以偿领他们去吃了我爱的小店的蓝莓派，各自分开回酒店，但是G还是提议晚上和我们一起吃饭。于是一下午我和M就在那后悔不该吐槽抱怨神马的，情商太低了。但是M和我俩互相分享了许多。我真心希望她好，希望她对我也是同样祝福。晚上吃饭说好不再跟G提抱怨，结果就是G给我们分享他的成功史。发现当manager的所以情商高呢，从来不说别人坏话不抱怨，仿佛对世界一切都充满感激充满爱似的，所以跟他聊天我们也算学到了很多。
周日跟M绕城溜达了两圈，各种畅聊吐槽。我们还有了一个plan B:将来我俩在一起过，但是各自可以找男人生娃我俩带。我俩权是一个经济体，互相扶持过日子但不束缚对方私生活，所以功能性保障性都能照顾到。嗯，越想越觉得这是个good plan。下午M回国的飞机。G说这几天他在这边出差还可以每天一起吃饭，感觉不会有太多话题了估计会尴尬，但是怎么办呢。

今天情人节加元宵节。一早就到了公司继续听报告，没有任何气氛。C见我和M坐定也过来坐在了我的旁边，偶尔小声跟我解释一些报告的东西。我困着呢，也不知为何略惆怅，注意力不太集中。中午吃饭跟休斯顿team坐一桌，很必然地他们开始谈code，我更困了。说着下午还有两场报告他们不想听了，M决定跟他们一起出去溜达。我留下继续听报告，C讲完后还有一个，结束。想着我周一过来没遇见C没有特意打招呼，遂提议喝杯咖啡我就回酒店了。没什么八卦好说的就谈工作。结果C说这么说不清楚于是去他办公室对着电脑说。东扯西扯就到了下班点儿了。其间我蹭到了friday cake。说到这么久C估计又要加班干活了，希望不要周末花太多时间去读我的报告，since it’s really not necessary。昨天G老板请休斯顿team加北京team吃饭，今天休斯顿team回请，我们就蹭了两顿。期间又是聊枪聊股票，不甚感兴趣。双节，早点休息，欠自己一个美容觉。

来特村儿整四天了，发生了那么多又觉得过去了好久。

##20140210,周一
见到N，仿佛更帅了，却是更消瘦。晚上一起吃饭，其实大家都旅途劳累，谈不上相谈甚欢，都N在说，我困意浓，却也舍不得结束。
此处需省略细节若干行, it's just a date to remember

Got a date that I was dreaming about for over half a year. Wonderfully happy but… Chickened out at the last minute. God knows it’s tempting. Sometimes dreams come true only partially. And people say be careful with what you wish for. For once I’m not hot headed to make hasty decisions. I think I did the right thing but why am I feeling sorry ?

On the bright side, I was complimented for my hair, for having the hottest ass and sexy lips…embarrassed but I’m really happy, I needed this. I can feel the losing of confidence as I’m getting older and still single. Good to know I am still desirable, to a hot guy like that.

##20140211,周二
连续两天的纠结死我不偿命，我再也不能complain我的生活无聊单一了
In a row ?? Come on!

##20140212,周三
有些事日后细思极恐
感慨这短短三天我的跟电影一样的生活。也算是人生离完整更进一步了。
这一天的会议就在无限遐想中度过。竟淡淡后悔周一, 我这是怎么了。。。